baby troll , angry at the world.

A message to the world , stop hunting


dont move , mother firth said silently, the hunters . there here .
the baby chicks stopped there squbbles over a worm and froze .
I'll lead them some were else came the hushed whisper of there petrified mother,
not for her life but the life of her three babies.



one minute later;






the sparrow exploded out of the tree

it did not stop to look down

but still the hunter was too fast

the sparrow fell ,its body never was found.

the hunter went home that night , just intime for tea. not the slightest guilt for killing a mother . a mother of three.


ok , i know this poem is realy wierd and cant realy be called a poem , but just act like its a poem
oh and by the way i changed it since the first review was written so what 'thegirlwhofateloves' said referd to the old version

Comments & reviews · 8
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User avatar
Firestarter
Comment

Please leave debating outside literary topics. Thank you.

Random avatar
Dynasty cow
Comment

yes , and i dident mean to offend . sorry , hunting for food is ok, humans have done that for years . but hunting for entertainment is wrong . sorry again :lol:

User avatar
xanthan gum
Review

i don't really care about the subject of the poem because that isn't what i'm here for. i'm here to tell you that i'd like to see more poetic language from you, as this was just a whole bunch of setances, though with passionate purpose, that qualify as a poem by...what? line breaks? i think not. at least try to incorporate some sort of rhythm.

OH MY GOD you did not just say that. No one necessarily WANTS to kill - it's more of a needs must. So what, you're saying half the people I know are ruthless killers? I think not.
I'm seriously offended. I take it you're a vegetarian?

Random avatar
Dynasty cow
Comment

are you saying your angry cause ive got the idea of hunting wrong , or you think kiling animals to see them drop dead for humans own greedy amusment is right? im not trying to be mean, but i strongly believe all those who hunt are greedy people who amuse them selves with the knoledge of taking the lives of innocent creatures who did abseloutly nothing wrong other than exist.

User avatar
Writersdomain
Review

:( I didn't like this; you didn't tie the scene together to make a powerful point; you just stated your point at the end and left it dangling. The main reason I came here was... spelling... because it is my pet peeve. I'm afraid I don't know how to help you except for suggesting a rewrite, but I figure it would behoove of you to know these spellings for next time...

squrral shold be squirrel
staind is stained
laghed is laughed
I think you mean straight, not strait

Please keep writing! :D

Erm, ok.
Actually I live in the countryside and I know people who go hunting...and I hate to burst your bubble, but that isn't actually how it happens.
You know what? I want to argue about this. I'm going to start a thread!



My tongue must tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart, concealing it, will break...
— Katherine, The Taming of the Shrew